“Nobody’s perfect.” How many times do you hear that phrase in a day? How about in a week or even a month? Now, how often do you say it to yourself? Maybe you have a coworker who drives you absolutely crazy. Or maybe you heard a comment at church that didn’t quite sit right with you. We’re taught that when people make mistakes — big and small — that we should see them as Christ does. Nobody’s perfect, after all, and everyone is just trying their best to live a good, righteous life for the most part.
I pride myself on being able to give people the benefit of the doubt. I feel like I’m tolerant when someone makes a mistake, and I’m usually quick to forgive. But last summer, something happened and I was deeply hurt — more so than I have ever been — and repeating the phrase “nobody’s perfect” over and over again just didn’t cut it.
I’ll spare the details, but long story short, I read something about myself that was definitely not meant for my eyes. Keep in mind, I’ve heard things about myself before that aren’t true or just straight up rude. I’m good at letting things go and loving regardless of what someone says about me. But for some reason, this time was different and I could not get over it.
I think Heavenly Father was looking out for me and knew I would need a little extra help to work through these feelings. And by divine intervention, I ended up in a conflict resolution class for my graduate program right when it happened. It honestly felt like God had grabbed my hand and marched me into this class because it was what made me work through one of the most confusing and difficult challenges I have ever faced. I know for a fact He was looking out for me and knew that class was exactly what I needed at the time.
I was struggling. I couldn’t for the life of me figure out why I couldn’t just let it go. Similar things had happened to me in the past, so why was this such a big deal??? We discussed and studied forgiveness in depth during the 8-week course, and by the end of it, I felt like I had done a good job at sorting through my feelings, understanding why this time was so different, and how I could move forward without setting myself up for even more pain and difficulty in the future. It played such a crucial role in my healing process and I am so grateful to God for allowing me that experience. I know it sounds crazy, but I honestly felt the Spirit so strongly during that class even though the material had absolutely nothing to do with the gospel.
The reason I’m telling you all of this is that I saw a quote today that really hit home for me. In his talk “And Nothing Shall Offend Them,” Elder Bednar says, “One of the greatest indicators of our own spiritual maturity is revealed in how we respond to the weaknesses, the inexperience, and the potentially offensive actions of others.” This quote echoed what my professor said over and over during that class. We can’t control a person’s actions. It’s impossible. They have their own free agency to respond, act, and portray themselves any way they want, and it’s completely out of our hands. The way we act or react individually, however, is something we have control over. We love to blame our actions on the actions of others, but in reality, we can’t push that onto someone else. It’s the same with feelings. Someone can hurt your feelings, make a rude comment, or even attack your character, but how you choose to feel about it is completely up to you.
I think we’ve all heard this at one point or another, but I want to scream from the rooftops that it’s perfectly okay to feel whatever you need to feel in order to heal. If you need to feel angry, feel angry. If you need to feel sad, allow yourself to feel sad. Nobody’s perfect, and even the strongest people feel upset and weak at times. BUT when you’re feeling these things and allowing yourself time to process, it’s crucial that you don’t get comfortable in that space.
This is where I really struggled. I had a lot of feelings that had been buried for a long time, but I never allowed myself to get upset or really learn from the things I went through. Like I said earlier, if I was ever hurt, I buried it so deep that I would forget — or nearly forget. And then when I finally allowed myself to feel angry and upset and sad and hurt, I didn’t allow myself to come out of it.
I saw a quote on Pinterest once that I absolutely loved. I don’t remember exactly what it was, but it said something along the lines of, “It’s okay to be sad, but don’t unpack and live there.” I had made myself a little too comfortable in my sadness and let me tell you a little secret: it was actually the worst. And although I’m not wallowing in that space anymore, let me tell you another secret: some days are still really hard when I start to think about it too hard or too long.
Like I said in the beginning, nobody’s perfect. I’m not perfect at feeling my feelings. I’m not perfect at moving on from said feelings — as you can probably tell. But the beautiful thing about this awful situation is that I have learned, grown, and become more spiritually mature (even though it took being a little spiritually immature first). And that’s the beautiful thing about the gospel. Our Savior knows when we’re hurting. He knows how hard it is to deal with imperfections — he deals with us every day and LOVES us more than we can even imagine! But the whole point of the gospel is to become better. Stronger. More in-tune with the Spirit and less susceptible to Satan. And because of His perfect grace and love, He can make us all whole, even when we feel defeated and broken.
And lastly, I want anyone reading this to know that things get better. You’ll go through challenges. Maybe you’re going through something terrible right now. And when someone else is the source of your pain, it’s so incredibly difficult to forgive and move on. But remember this: forgiveness is for yourself and for God. Forgiveness can benefit the person who hurt you but harboring feelings of anger and sadness only affects your happiness. There’s a reason the gospel places such a strong emphasis on forgiveness. We were created to experience JOY in this life, and forgiving others allows us that blessing of happiness. I’m working on it. I’m not perfect, and you’re not perfect. I’m not writing this because I’ve mastered it — I definitely haven’t and I’m still working through some things. But I can hold onto hope that by working toward complete forgiveness, I can have God’s help and grace and be truly happy.
Comments