“Just be positive!” “Good vibes only!” “There are people in the world with way worse problems.” Have you ever heard one of these statements while you’ve been having a rough day? I’m going to guess you have, cause SAME. And I’m also going to guess that you’ve said something similar to a friend to try to make them feel better -- cause SAME.
I’m also going to take a guess and say you don’t love it when people say things like this to you. There’s nothing worse than hearing the words “just be happy” when you’re in the middle of a hard trial or a panic attack. So why do we do it? Why are we so quick to jump on the positivity train and think that telling someone to be happy will fix their problems?
I hate to admit this, but hearing about trials and sad things makes me uncomfortable. It’s easy for me to default to the surface-level response and give advice to “look on the bright side” and “count your blessings.” But honestly, sometimes counting your blessings and ignoring the huge problem you’re going through is not the way to go -- and we need to stop with this toxic positivity.
I read the phrase “toxic positivity” for the first time just the other day on Instagram. Not a lot of things on that little app catch my attention these days, but those two words made me do a double take. How could the word “toxic” and “positivity” possibly be used in the same sentence? But as I thought more about it, I realized that it truly is a huge problem in our society.
We want to mask our problems (and our friends’ problems) with this lie that thinking happy thoughts will fix everything. It can help, and I think it’s important to look at the bright side of things, but it’s also important to recognize problems for what they are instead of belittling them. This is important for a few reasons, and the first is that we can’t experience joy and positivity without going through and actually feeling the hard things.
It’s not fun to feel sad or live through stressful times, but how does it feel when you come out of it? It feels good. Really good. But when you go through sad times and mask your problems with the perception that you always have to be happy and that you’re failing if you’re not happy, you don’t feel what you need to feel in order to heal. And once you’re out of that difficult time, you’ll look back and remember how you failed to be happy. I don’t think that’s what God would want for us. He literally created us to have joy, but He was clear that we can’t experience that joy without experiencing pain.
You also need to remember that your problems are REAL. I spent so many years of my life dealing with my anxiety and depression by telling myself that someone in the world had it worse and I was selfish for feeling pain. I actually felt guilty for feeling unhappy -- which is absolutely absurd. But when we’re bombarded with messages of good vibes and positivity on social media all day long, how can we not feel guilty? It goes back to that failure complex -- that if we’re not happy, we’re failing. But I want to tell you something -- whatever you’re going through is different from what that orphan in Africa is going through. Your trial is different from your friend’s. But that doesn't mean your pain isn’t real.
So next time you’re going through something hard don’t feel bad for feeling bad. Know that it’s normal and that your rough time will end. And next time you’re listening to a friend’s trial, be more intentional about the advice you give. I saw something similar to this on Instagram and wanted to add a few phrases to the list that you can say. And while you can use this on your friends and family members, consider using it for yourself too.
Comments